From this intellectual masterpiece we can all learn how to identify and shame ten types of misogynists, each type more vile than the other, in a perpetual quest to oppress women, as well as the gender undecided. But first, a quick word of tolerance for self-conscious men and the allies of feminists, whatever that means.
Let’s say you know better than to use words like “hysterical” or “bitch,” and you sure as fuck know not to blame heated arguments on the fact that someone is on her/zir/their period. If this is you, you’ve got a running start.
So to make it clear, there is no such thing as hysterical behaviour on women’s part in recorded history. This is a made-up word, unlike “zir”, which is completely legitimate. I don’t suppose this SJW who was protesting Milo Yannopoulos at UCLA counts:
Anyway. Moving on to the perpetrators.
It’s so common in multi-gendered situations to witness men talking out of turn, interrupting other people while they’re talking, or completely disregarding the allotted time-limit a facilitator has set for individual questions or comments. These men will often highjack the conversation and/or derail its original topic in order to match their own personal interests.
Coming from a feminist, whose “allies” routinely disrupt speakers they disagree with, that is just side-splitting. I don’t suppose shouting “racist” undeservedly to shut up a conservative speaker, whose presence had been carefully planned at a venue, with time and resources invested, counts as interrupting. Which these groups and their “allies” engage in on a weekly basis, from what pops up on YouTube. Rarely has there been a more vicious and relentless manner of impeding free speech than the one we witness nowadays from so-called social justice warriors.
“Misogynistic?” you might ask, skeptically. Isn’t that kind of behavior just plain rude?The answer is yes – regardless of who you are, these kinds of behaviors are just plain rude. But the larger question I would pose is: What possesses a person to act this way in the first place? Who is it that feels comfortable (or oblivious) of dominating space in this way?
The larger question is directly related to one of the subsequent points regarding a supposed entitlement to “take up space” – namely “manspreading”. Hence, from the fact that men sit with their legs apart on the tube, we deduce they are prone in one and all situations to be bothersome, which stretches logic far more than any pair of legs ever could.
This is logic doing the splits.
2. “Emotional labour dodgers”
By emotional labour, we understand a man’s act of listening to women and supporting them in their hour of need.
But here’s the thing: Men will often pour their hearts out to their female or gender non-conforming friends in a therapy-esque fashion, but when the tables are turned, men are often not willing to reciprocate the same kinds of emotional labor.(…) The unconscious expectation that men often have regarding this one-sided caretaker dynamic is explicitly rooted in misogyny. It implies that every woman or gender non-conforming person owes you some kind of free, maternalistic, emotional labor.
Even these words, emotional labour, are more than relevant to this person’s attitude towards friendship and support. It’s an exchange. A trade. An endeavour. You can’t get any colder and more mercantile than that.
A therapist, mind you, expects remuneration for their time; a friend or lover doesn’t. People who are close do not hold a stopwatch while listening to each other, monitoring whether they’re getting as much as they’re giving. Anyone should think twice before confiding in a person with this type of attitude.
3. The “manspreader”
While this term was coined specifically in relation to the subway car environment, I feel it can be applied to all sorts of scenarios: men who leave piles of their personal shit everywhere in shared living environments, men who leave unfinished projects spread out across designated work stations they might share with their co-workers, and so on. In my opinion, the definition of a manspreader can be extended to any dude who – by virtue of the amount of physical space he is taking up with his physical body or personal items – makes it impossible for anyone else to utilize a space that they should also have equal claim to.
Farther down the pit of ridiculousness, it seems that even men being messy at home or at work, which many people are, is somehow misogynistic. This makes no mention of women who have a hard time keeping a place tidy and whom they are in turn “oppressing”.
Again, logic doing the splits, this time while riding a fun fair bull.
4. “Manbabies” and accidental manipulators
This refers to a breakup situation inspired by a pop song, where the man, though declaring he was not in love with his former partner, insists that she shouldn’t have cut him off completely. Hence, she has the “cojones”, or indifference, whatever you want to call it, and he wants to stay friendly. That makes him a “manbaby”.
There is something odd about expecting anything relevant out of a pop song, which might’ve been produced on the bog by one of those conveyor belt writers the industry uses. Accusing all men of having this attitude – which is not even strange by the way, but a variation of human behaviour – is, again, a stretch so painful to the more sophisticated parts of the brain. Not to mention that women can – and do – the exact same; in fact it is more characteristic for a woman to have a hard time letting go.
5. Unauthorised advice givers
For instance, try being a woman alone in a hardware store! Hardware stores are like breeding grounds for unauthorized advice givers!
These would be the people who try to help out on a technical level or in other ways, with the would-be recipient of said help feeling insulted. Nothing to do with the dynamic between men an women, and everything to do with arrogance (that of thinking one is above advice, especially from people who might have helpful pointers). Quite ironic after describing “manbabies” above.
6. The “mansplainer”
This would be a guy who over-tries to convince others of his point or pretends to know more than he actually does. Again, human behaviour, nothing to do with misogyny.
Another common and unchecked form of mansplaining is the refusal to stop and ask for directions when you know you are fucking lost!
And how is that oppressive to women, again? Who are these people bothering by wandering about not being sure where they are? It seems every form of male behaviour, either common, potential or made up, is “misogynistic” to some.
If a man looks lost, maybe you should stop him and engage in some good ol’ unauthorised advice giving.
7. “Manarchists”, “mactivists” and “brogressives”
Assuming this is not attempted typing after a litre of vodka, it appears the feminist community has come up with yet more awkward terminology.
In its most basic sense, these terms refer to men in activist communities who perpetuate misogynistic behaviors by virtue of failing to put their revolutionary theories into practice. These are men who have made commitments to their communities to challenge systems of oppression like capitalism, heteropatriarchy, white-supremacy, sexism, and ableism.
OK, so here’s a progressive sabotaging their own activist movement from within, by creating tension between the men and women forming it. Bravo to the queens of discord; what can I say.
SJWs often display cannibalistic tendencies and tend to separate into ever-smaller groups, based on “irreconcilable differences” (minor issues dealt with in a hysterical way). No wonder they can never get on with the rest of the world; they can’t even get on with each other.
8. Racist sexualisers
These are men who perpetuate racialized tropes through the ways they sexualize women and gender non-conforming folks. (..)You don’t have to actually say these things aloud in order for them to influence your dating life.
While agreeing that stereotyping is the hallmark of small minds, I can’t help being curious regarding the second phrase, which indicates the author might not hear these things with a frequency that is proportional to the indignation.
If men don’t say them aloud, how in the world do other people determine these are in fact their thoughts? Is it just a guessing game? Or is it a phenomenon you think might be prevalent but in fact might not be at all? Just asking.
Another common phenomenon that occurs under this banner happens when men tend to have women of color in their lives take on the roles of casual lover, booty-call, non-primary or “sidepiece,” while considering the white women they date as more“serious relationship material.”
Again, there is nothing to suggest that in real life this has anything to do with race. If anything, it is this approach which objectifies the women, treating them as passive in said relationships, being acted upon, when they in fact make a conscious choice to be in that position.
Negating someone’s gender identity is extricably linked to misogyny. You do not get to decide what qualifies someone as a “man” or a “woman.” When you fail to see transwomen as “real” women, you are asserting patriarchal control over what is and isn’t considered “womanly.”
As a human being and a man, one might have a tiny, tiny right to assert an opinion regarding their own condition. And as such, “discriminating” against a man’s chosen new identity, one would not be discriminating against a woman, in their own view.
10. Fetishisers of non-consensual pain
This was all caused by someone telling the author she had a sexy voice while having a sore throat and being barely able to speak. What was that word again? “Manbaby?” No further comment required.
There is a way that we are all taught to fetishize women’s pain. If this is in a BDSM context, that’s one thing – but when someone is in pain non-consensually, don’t fucking fetishize that shit. This might seem trite, but I’m telling you: It’s something men do all the time without even thinking about it. This also goes for telling a woman she looks hot after having lost a ton of weight. Aside from being fatphobic, you also don’t know how or why that weight loss happened! Maybe she has a parasite that has had her throwing up every meal for the past six months.
Personally, I’ve never seen or heard of any case of a man “fetishising” a woman’s illness or injury, in these few decades of being alive on this planet. If it does happen, I’m sure it’s not a widespread phenomenon.
Here’s where it gets twisted – apparently it’s normal for men to actually cause and get sexual gratification out of a woman’s pain, emulating physical assault, but somehow inappropriate to make comments about her voice or even innocently compliment her appearance. These people have everything upside-down, honestly.
However, after all this, the ally’s guide takes the cake, in terms of being so far removed from reality.
When venting to a close female or gender non-conforming friend, ask yourself, “Am I willing to reciprocate the same emotional labor that’s being offered to me right now?”
For someone to even think they are a match for the demands of “emotional labour”of a social justice warrior, they would have to be unrealistic. The constant winging over nothing, the fabrication of drama out of thin air, the thousands of trigger words to avoid and the stick up those behinds which are too precious to compliment – all these make an SJW ineligible as a friend to a normal person. One would have to be masochistic to engage with such people, let alone give them details of their personal life. Allow me to assume that this guide might be aimed not at real friends, but at hypothetical ones, who will fail to manifest in the form of actual humans.
When in multi-gender company ask yourself, “Am I talking out of turn?” “Am I dominating the conversation?” “Am I feeling a need to be the know-it-all at the table?” “Do I actually know what I’m talking about or am I bullshitting so as not to compromise my masculinity?”
In other words, be uncomfortable. Be very, very uncomfortable. Be anxious, be self-conscious, see this interaction not as an encounter with friends but a test you must pass; feel unworthy of your company; pray that they can tolerate your obnoxious nature.
Or, alternatively, simply don’t engage with this lot. Which I’m sure will be the most popular choice.
When in need of emotional support ask yourself, “Who are the men in my life I might be able to seek support from?”
Because, it seems, women are “not your mother or therapist”, so you don’t want to impose on them; even if said women are very close to you, the main thing on your mind should be a feminist’s opinion/ demand, creeping its way into your personal relationships. Speaking of which:
After a breakup with a female or gender non-conforming partner, ask yourself, “Am I taking up a ton of space with my reaction? Am I relying on her/zir/them to caretake me through it?
If trying to control how men approach their breakups is not entitlement, I don’t know what is. If a man does this as an ally, it means he is starting to politicise his romantic relationships and sees everything through the feminist lens. Creepy, as usual.
Be humble and ask yourself, “Do I make a concerted effort to learn from my female and gender non-conforming friends about what sexism/ misogyny feel like first hand?”
In a context of being misogynistic by existing, as feminists seem to put it, one needn’t make an effort aside from understanding they were born with the wrong genitals.
Dismantling patriarchy is hard work, but you’re well on your way to becoming the feminists we need you to be!
Um…. No, thanks.
No one will ever rise to that status. Or has a sane reason for attempting.