Tag Archives: consent

“Building A Consent Castle” – Parody-Like, Creepy Feminist Guide

This Metaphor for Consent Might Be Just the Thing You Need to Make It Click

Trying to decide what is creepiest about this comic is a bit difficult. The presumptuousness of humans needing help to understand how not to rape (that’s what I get from someone’s attempt to explain consent to me), the otherworldly ideas or the way the text is formulated.

It is evocative of a parody as it seems so derisory, infantilising and exaggerated all throughout you’d think its purpose was to generate an awkward laugh. Unfortunately, it seems this person just might be serious.

Gear up to build the Consent Castle! It’s an awesome metaphor for how to establish consent before and during intimacy – and how to change the negotiation terms as you build a relationship.

We hope this can give you and the people you share it with a solid foundation for fun, healthy, and mutually satisfying intimate relationships.

I was managing just fine until present day, thank you, like most people who are not psychos or severely mentally impaired as to not automatically discern when consent is present or not.

My partner and I give workshops on consent. We talk a lot about consent activities – things to think about and things you can talk about to establish consent before and during intimacy.

Again, our species seemed to be managing just fine without tutorials. There’s something called a brain which provides us with enough skills to decode the signals received from others; humans generally don’t need an instructions manual.

Then comes a list of boxes to tick:

  • Talking
  • Texts
  • E-mails
  • Checking in before
  • Checking in during
  • Checking in after
  • Touch
  • Body language
  • Sharing fantasies
  • Setting boundaries and limits
  • Safe words
  • Power dynamics
  • Drug and alcohol use
  • Emotional and mental state
  • Triggers

Obviously, it reads like a list of steps to complete a project, mechanically and meticulously. Which is the opposite of passion and spur-of the-moment decisions, often involved when two people become intimate. It might come in handy to non-humans wanting to live on Earth in disguise, after doing some studying. But not much else.

Social justice warriors don’t seem to get the difference between intimacy, largely based on instincts and intuition, and bureaucracy, which is all about ticking boxes on a piece of paper.This behaviour is highly unnatural. If anything, this objectifies others, as opposed to the natural way people behave.

Consent isn’t a checkbox. And it isn’t just a legal entity.

That’s funny enough after listing all mandatory aspects to be discussed.

You’ve met someone awesome and you decide to build a castle together/ plan some sexy times. You’ll probably talk about what you want and what you don’t want.

This is followed by a parallel between the so-called castle building and organising the “play date” – I choose this specific language as the whole thing, although addressing people who are over 18, infantilises them to the point of insult. There is no need to make such allegories when approaching an adult theme.

And, the author should have considered the implications of “probably” when listing imagined conversations which are off this planet in most cases, between people who have recently met and are trying to get to know each other (and are of course represented in the images as genderless so one can’t really tell what’s going on there).

    “I’d really love to give you a blow job.”

“I’m not really into getting oral, but I love giving it.”

I’m not sure what happens where the creator of this wonderful comic lives, but in a lot of places that would not be a starting conversation between people who barely know each other. Unless a lot of alcohol consumption was involved. And I mean a lot. And for most people, not even then. These things are rarely discussed in such a blunt manner but rather happen as matters evolve. Having this sort of conversation, especially in a public place, where strangers generally meet, would be very inappropriate, to say the least. I would not recommend trying to “earn” someone’s consent by outright offering them oral. However, this is not the creepiest suggestion by far.

      You might even draw up some diagrams…

“So, I was thinking about…”

“Ooooh! That looks neat!”

The text is on an image of an individual holding a piece of paper where they’d drawn what the act would look like, showing it to the other person, with arrows pointing to certain body parts.

Who does that? Who the hell does that? 

That’s like drawing a sketch of building a machine, indicating where every part should go.

It’s even weirder than showing someone porn or the Kama Sutra and asking them to imitate what they see. Actually giving someone personalised, illustrated instructions of what to do with you?

      And it’s a good idea to check in to see how it’s going.

“How does this feel? Is this okay?”

I don’t know why, as the questions are innocuous in and of themselves, I get a strange vibe when reading that correlated with consent. It indicates a certain power dynamic and is a bit suggestive of manipulation – perhaps an older person trying to talk a much younger person through a sex act they’d never experienced. It’s the whole idea of “checking in” to make sure one isn’t doing anything the other might perceive as wrong (maybe because it is wrong?), and is calculatedly asking questions to feel safe in that sense. Maybe I’m exaggerating but that’s the feeling I get.

        The point is, when you’re building something with someone, you           usually start out by being really careful.

Like offering them oral when you hardly know them.

The great thing about consent castles is that they are always works in progress. You may need to do some maintenance.

“I’ve been feeling really self-conscious about my body during sex lately.”

“OK. Can I help with those feelings?”

“I think… I think I’d like to try using a strap-on with you.”

“That might be fun! What does that look like for you?”

I’ll tell you what it looks like to me.

The article is clearly not written for heterosexuals, though apparently it addresses everyone, and seeks to convince that this is the way most people actually behave. The person wanting to use that type of thing is clearly not male, and heterosexual men (who are the majority by the way) generally do not enjoy being fucked up the ass with a toy by their girlfriends or wives.

In fact, on the website this is published on, it’s very difficult to find an author who is not part of a minority based on “gender” or sexual orientation. And yet they claim to understand the psyche of the average individual and proselytise about how things should be in everyone else’s lives. They clearly have little understanding of that.

After a quick reinforcement of why negotiating sex with someone is always necessary and positive, the finale is an image of a construction worker in lingerie holding yet another sketch of two people and some instructions on what to do.

“So gear up! Because this is going to be a lot of fun!”

Fucking creepy.

Utterly creepy.

This is what “education” is coming down to nowadays.

 

 

Advocating Deception And False Consent

Far from trying to sound flustered about matters which don’t concern me, Daily Mail style, I positively cannot believe some of the stuff I’ve read on this subject lately; it’s beyond cringe-worthy in terms of entitlement. It’s actually disregarding the human rights of everyone who is not transgender (the vast majority of the global population). Note: when using umbrella terms such as “they”, I’m referring to the activists promoting these ideas, not to every single trans person, as that would not make sense.

It’s no secret that the leftist propaganda machine has long drifted off into la la land (never to return, probably). However, one would think they’d take things a bit slower when trying to defy the core principles which still keep this world functioning, for better or worse. Below are some ideas I’ve come across online; some are direct quotes from blogs, forums etc, which could not be rephrased in a more compelling way.

“…if I was incorrectly assigned male at birth…” (source)

Whereas psychiatry, which by no means has the whole understanding of human nature, cannot agree on what causes this (though gender dysphoria IS still in the DSM), it is a matter of wishes and feelings versus biological reality. It’s fair enough to respect someone’s feelings regarding their own body; it’s fair enough trying to be sympathetic.

But let’s not, FFS,  go so far as to “credit”  doctors with having made a mistake by assigning the wrong gender at birth, according to a baby’s physical traits. It’s not like they do it arbitrarily. That is such a deluded way to refer to this. Some of these people actually want a gender-less society, which would presumably include not assigning a gender a birth for fear of being wrong.

If you want to read some mind-bending rationales, here’s a good example. This article claims that sex – not even gender – is now a social construct.  That male and female are two notions based on loose statistics. Just because boobs or body hair are more prevalent in one segment of the population rather than the other (more prevalent, yes), that is not reason enough to put the human race into two boxes. That if the distinction is based on fertility (eggs or sperm), then children are not male or female, as they don’t produce any. That a woman who has had a hysterectomy  is comparable to a trans woman who lacks a uterus by design.  And so on.

It makes sense for this ideology to attack the concept of a biological sex altogether. Gender has already been embellished with about twenty variations. The goal is to have the scientific perspective obliterated. The author of the piece lists four reasons why society still uses (and thinks in terms of) male and female. Two of them have to do with oppressing trans people. I’m not sure that was in the mind of those who first documented this differentiation in the first place. Or anyone since.

All the pseudo-science, through which exceptions are meant to invalidate universal biological facts, is nauseating. Why is it that as soon as a fringe phenomenon passes into the mainstream, it seeks to spread until it becomes the norm? Don’t get me wrong; I don’t believe in almost any criteria for respectability (they change constantly), but I can’t help but see how the oppressed become oppressors in their own right, or at least seek to dominate, to have the world reorganised according to their vision, at the first whiff of power.

“If a partner has issues, it is THEIR responsibility to ask questions, not mine to disclose.” (source)

Seriously? You expect people to go around asking others whether they’re trans? At what point during a night out does this question fit in? And what would the excuse be? Can you imagine the partner’s reaction after being prompted to think he/she might look like the opposite sex? This is simply ridiculous. Just like it’s ridiculous to say that regarding other details someone could not simply imagine. Here are some examples:

  • Actually, I have Chlamydia.
  • When I told you I was eighteen, I lied. I’m actually fifteen.
  • The truth is I’m the cousin you never met. But I find you very attractive.
  • The reason I chose to stay indoors was that I’m running for the police; I’m on a wanted list.
  • Well, I’m in the middle of a divorce, so if you get any strange phone calls, just hang up; my ex is a bit of a stalker.

The point is very clear; there are things one is morally obligated to tell a prospective partner, as there is a very high chance of them withdrawing consent for sexual intimacy. A “detail” such as age, marital status or legal conundrum, which might drag that person into a mess, might just make them think twice. So would knowing that they were engaging in an unwanted sex act.

“Why are trans people subjected to this? Should blacks be subjected to this? Forced to disclose even if they look white? Should Jews be forced to tell a sex partner they are Jewish? Do these questions sound absurd yet?” (same source)

They certainly do sound absurd, for the aberration of mixing in aspects which are likely to have no bearing over someone’s decision, not in terms of physical intimacy anyway.

There is a lot of talk about consent nowadays, with feminists trying their best (which isn’t much) to make it the norm for so many questionable situations to be considered rape. Yet how can someone give informed consent in this situation? Though if you ask me, the physical difference would be obvious, but who knows.

Consent is all about trust and safety. Apparently, the lack of willingness to inform a partner about being trans is also about that, or the lack thereof. Which begs the question – what are you doing in bed with someone you don’t trust not to beat you up or murder you?

“I know I’m a little late to this but there is a profound difference between “I’m just not attracted to her” and “While I otherwise would be attracted to her, I have such problems with her being trans all those feelings I felt about her have magically disappeared”. The first is not prejudice at all, the second which is all to real is undeniably a sociopolitical issue. Because if there is a light switch that suddenly turns off in your head after being attracted or smitten with a person all because of a little bit of information, it is undeniably a hang up”. (source)

This was in response to someone identifying as a lesbian and stating the obvious – that sexual orientation is not a choice and a sociopolitical issue. By asking people to disregard one’s past as the opposite sex, they are demanding that they go against their own orientation. Deciding not to have sex with someone should never be questioned by others.

To date, trans people, in their LGBT activism, have upheld this point of view. Yet they would now gladly argue that people should be deceived into having sex when they would not normally choose to do so. At the moment, there seems to be a slight rupture in the community.  What they’re asking for is that  those who are”cis” fix a “hang up” which is “all in the mind.”

This was a predictable push towards the advancement of their status, as trans people put themselves in one of the most disadvantaged positions in terms of finding a partner. Outside the circle of those who prefer relationships with them specifically, I suspect that others are, overwhelmingly, not that way inclined, be they straight or gay.

While it’s no surprise that they should come after heterosexuals with all sorts of accusations and demands, it’s still strange  for them to target gays and lesbians, after demonstrating jointly for decades for individual affirmation. There is no moral obligation to go against one’s natural inclinations in this context.It is now a “prejudice of staggering magnitude” for a person to expect honesty.

“Try it; you might like it; it could be the best you’ve ever had” (source)

Imagine if someone told a gay person that maybe heterosexual sex would be the best experience ever, so why not consider it and try it, in spite of the squeamishness? Would that suggestion be socially acceptable nowadays? I think not.

But this is the advice given to someone (and I bet more people in the same dilemma) who had sexual experiences with a partner to later find out the partner was trans, at which point the attraction dissipated. The advice is to go all the way and see if they like it after all, as if they didn’t already know.

The comments are very ironic as the author gets to experience a return of his own attitude towards those with a different opinion – immediate, vitriolic, absolute hatred from some trans people, down to the (by now common) kill yourself. All for saying a trans man should have disclosed before actual physical intimacy, which can doubtlessly leave their partner feeling violated for a long time.

“Unless you have had a trans lover or are trans yourself I don’t think you have any right to offer an opinion as an individual of experience which is the point of your blog yes ? In my experience an ally is some one who will promote the belief of others with “quotes” not to translate them with there own words.” (same source)

There you have it; you cannot express an opinion regarding those who lie and obtain consent on a false premise, committing something that in some countries is considered rape, unless you have direct experience yourself (unless you are biased).

Are false identities acceptable?

One might understand why a person would just say they’ve taken a long trip to Australia after spending a few years in jail for theft. But that refers to a limited period of time and a mistake made at one point in time. Rewriting one’s story as the opposite sex basically means constructing a false identity. Whenever a prospective partner comes into view, lies will unavoidably be told. People are more than their genitals; they have an entire history behind them. It’s fair and normal for that history to matter.

“…I’m with Kinsey and JRW here, we don’t need trans disclosure we need bigot disclosure.”

This is a very common one, actually. We need bigot disclosure. People should disclose their bigotry instead of others disclosing their trans status. Do I need to comment on this? Do I really?

Its no different than “religion, political affiliation, ethnic heritage, survivor status, occupation and work history, past abortions, hobbies, and food allergies.” (source)

No comment needed!

Bottom line – there is no compromise when it comes to respecting people’s autonomy when it comes to sexual preferences. No one should be tricked into sex acts they will later regret and find degrading. One cannot discuss the inviolability of their body, person and choices, without taking into account the same for their partner.