Being called a racist today is one of the most feared labels, as one can’t really defend themselves with anything but “I’m not” – aside from pathetically invoking their friends of different backgrounds as arguments, which most people I trust would stay away from. There are so many sources elaborating on this concept, taking it to the moon and back, clinging to anything they can come up with, no matter how ridiculous.
Intersectional feminism partly deals with racial oppression. Not necessarily apartheid or genocide in some countries (past or present), discrimination in the workforce or anything palpable; these are rarely mentioned. What is mentioned very often and plies on SJWs’ specialty – feelings – is the harm caused by offensive comments. Given the broad scope allowed by subjectivity, one can consider just about anything offensive.
Right now, the end to this likeness of a caterpillar infestation, which devours everything in its path, is not in sight yet.
Although the titles below are self-explanatory, reading the articles can put you in a trance, as they defy the most basic logic. In this twisted maze, there is only one certainty – if you’re white, you are guilty of racism. Regardless of you denying it or not even believing it. After all, who the hell do you think you are, claiming to know what’s in your own head? Progressive rhetoric itself becomes tainted when coming out of your hypocritical mouth.
Here’s why refusing to see colour doesn’t actually mean you’re not racist (which is nonsensical, like saying here’s why being alive doesn’t actually mean you’re not dead).
Among the reasons given is that not seeing colour ignores someone’s cultural background and heritage, denying them their uniqueness – as if taking an interest in someone’s culture had anything to do with the melanin in their skin. As a side note, in similar articles you can read about how being too interested in someone’s culture fetishises and “exotifies” them. Perhaps if you figure out just the right amount of interest you can show (not too little, not too much) you might just escape the labelling.
Here’s what a “white saviour” is (and why it’s the opposite of helpful). It starts with “volunteering in African countries”. Apparently even that is disingenuous, to the comfortable middle-class feminist. I was under the impression that folks go there to do actual community work, like helping to develop infrastructure. Skimming through the projects on the very first website I clicked on, that seems to be accurate. It’s not a “feel good story”, as the article claims. Bricks and mortar are not made from feelings.
My logic is that volunteering has nothing to do with race and everything to do with wanting to help those who need it, while risking one’s safety (in politically unstable countries) as well as being exposed to health hazards one’s body might not be able to cope with. Unbelievably, feminists think their endless diatribes are more useful than the actual building of safe water systems or hospitals.
“When white people say they’re progressives” – The perfect reply to fake allies . Translation, the perfect reply to people we think are fake allies. And that reply is a longer version of I think you’re full of shit. Which is fair enough – I personally believe self-labelled progressives are full of it. However, it is the racially-obsessed militant clique that creates these types’ need to keep proclaiming their “ally” status in the first place. Without this constant push, people would just be people; they wouldn’t divide the world into “allies” and the rest.
However, this one takes the crown. The feminist guide to non-racist flirting with women of colour .
It’s some of the most illogical, constipated nonsense I’ve ever laid eyes on. The imagined dialogue is so far out you can just tell the whole issue is made up for the sake of creating acrimony. Consider the situation of a guy meeting a woman he likes and flirting with her. If this guy really was racist, he wouldn’t do that in the first place. There; problem solved.
Instead, the author explains for about 20 paragraphs that as a white guy he is bound to have toxic attitudes and will doubtlessly behave like a jerk, even without meaning to, as the patriarchy has brainwashed him since birth. This poor, hapless individual does not stand a chance with a woman of colour without her precious hopscotch tutorial. It’s not like he just might treat all women the same way and doesn’t need any dating advice, because he is, you know, an adult.
So unless you’ve deliberately worked to unlearn what these oppressive systems have taught you, you’re probably working with some unconsciously hurtful ideas about how to approach a woman of color.
Dating advice however is a euphemism. This reads more like how to deactivate a human landmine.
- Don’t focus only on her race
I honestly doubt anyone would do that openly, even if secretly that is their preoccupation. It’s beyond stupid.
You probably hate to be “blamed” for the actions of your ancestors, but the truth is, white men throughout history have really fucked this one up for you.
So she’s judging this guy’s presumed attitude due the actions of his ancestors, from hundreds of years ago. I’m sorry; who was supposed to be the racist here…?
For instance, have you ever watched pornography featuring Black women? Don’t be embarrassed – I have, too. And sadly, it’s difficult as hell to find porn that doesn’t market and depict us with demeaning characterizations like “Jungle Booties” or “Ebony Whores.”
Perhaps white women doing porn are portrayed as saintly virgins…? If you’re looking for morality or something to uplift your spirit, pardon me but the last place you look is pornography. Everyone is debased there, with moral expectations out the window.
Okay, so all you know is that she’s a woman of color, but you’re not going to open with a line about her race. So what will you open with? Think about your goal here – are you relating to her or are you othering her? After all, if you’re trying to establish a connection, you’re not going to do that by essentially saying, “Hey, I noticed you’re Black.”
No, that’s not all he knows. He knows whether he finds her attractive, her approximate age, her behaviour in that context (how inhibited she might be, for instance if she dances or sits by herself, if she talks a lot, if she seems approachable or seems to have a bridge pillar up her backside etc).
The only reason the author assumes he’s obsessed with race is that she is obsessed with race herself – that’s how she analyses everything this guy might do or say through the lens of him being born white. In fact, race has turned into some kind of OCD at this point.
2. …But don’t act like you can’t see her race
This is where it gets from plain stupid and presumptuous to downright twisted.
Now before you go avoiding any mention of race at all, let me clarify. Focusing only on a woman of color’s race is a problem, but it’s okay to acknowledge that you are, in fact, aware that she’s a person of color. In fact, it’s a hell of a lot better than saying things like “I don’t see color.”
Should you also acknowledge the fact that she only has one head? And one mouth and only two eyes, positioned where eyes normally would be?
It’s cool to be treated like you’re special, but the idea that a woman is different simply because she’s Asian is not so great.
So is she different or isn’t she? I really don’t follow.
It essentially means that you’ve internalized what the mainstream media and other dominant institutions have told you – that white is the default identity, and anyone who’s not white is abnormal. So if you’re telling a woman that you don’t “see” her race, you’re implying that you only find her attractive because you see her as the default race, white, and noticing that she’s not white would be a bad thing.
So basically, “all people are equal” would turn into “I’m just pretending all people are white so I can like them better”. It’s the first time I’ve ever come across such an argument. This also implies that a white man should relate differently to women according to their race, as approaching them in the same manner would somehow mean he sees them as white. There’s a mindfuck to decipher.
Don’t treat her race like it’s something to be ashamed of, something she’d have to “overcome” in order to get your attention.
At this point she already has his attention (he is approaching her), and plus, I’d love to hear a chat-up in a pub which centres on a woman overcoming her race or ethnicity.
Be thoughtful about how you acknowledge a woman’s race – which means not saying any of these things: “What are you?” “I’ve heard Latinas are wild in bed.” “I may look white, but I’m a Black guy in my pants, if you know what I mean.”
Right. Because that’s exactly the type of thing you’d say to someone you just met. I wonder if the person who wrote this has ever been around people before. And that’s coming from the female version of Mr Bean – but still sane enough to notice one does not approach others in such manners.
Say you meet a South Asian woman. A common pitfall is asking “Where you from?” and not accepting an answer like “Arizona.”
Not accepting as in what? Thinking she’s lying? Right enough; immigration is so new around those parts; it’s not like the US is a nation of immigrants from all corners of the Earth.
There are better ways to learn someone’s background and allow her to share about her identity on her terms. One great way to do this is by following her lead. If you seem genuinely interested in getting to know her, there’s a good chance that her background will naturally come up in a way she’s comfortable with. For example, if you asked me where I’d like to travel, I’d probably tell you I’d go to my father’s home country of Trinidad and Tobago. Then you could ask any number of respectful questions about when he immigrated to the United States, and what my Trinidadian roots mean to me – without ever having to perpetuate xenophobic ideas about immigrants.
Why stop there with the indications? Why not write down the exact list of respectful questions, with intonation guides included? Is this for people with Asperger’s only? And God forbid you should ever bring anything up out of curiosity, before she is “ready” or “comfortable” to talk about her ethnic background. God forbid you should ever go near such a sacred subject as where she’s from; it would be like asking at what age she lost her virginity.
3. Don’t assume she’s interested in talking to you
Unfortunately, society encourages men to believe women are always sexually available to them. For example, romantic movies often show men interpreting a woman’s “no, thank you” as “try harder, and eventually you’ll get me.”
Of course the obvious question would be why would you assume; however, subsequent paragraphs show the true nature of this point.
If she’s not interested, it’s not because she’s being “oversensitive.” It’s not even necessarily because she doesn’t find you attractive, or assumes you’re going to do something racist, or has any other impression of you being a “bad” person because you’re white. The real problem isn’t just you. It’s the fact that women have to deal with being objectified all the time, and for women of color, that often includes a combination of racism and sexism.
Every woman of color has developed her own boundaries throughout her lifetime to protect herself from the impact of this constant weight.
Sometimes that includes turning down a polite stranger who’s trying to flirt – no matter how respectful he is.
Boundaries are not a form of discrimination against you. They’re an essential part of self-preservation for people from marginalized communities. She’s developed them for the sake of survival.
In other words, women of colour are allowed to be plain racist and reject someone on the sheer basis of their skin. It’s not racism; it’s “self preservation”, even if that man has nothing but good intentions. The woman being chatted up is to be understood if she engages in the generalisation and dehumanisation of a prospective partner – the exact behaviour the author urges the white man not to engage in, throughout the entire article. Furthermore:
If you’re frustrated with this, direct your anger to the systems of white supremacy and patriarchy that put this burden on women of color. Don’t get angry at us for doing what we have to do to maintain our personal comfort and safety.
Right. Unashamed – in fact, proudly proclaimed – double standards.What a huge pile of dung, for lack of a better comparison.
4. Don’t use the same lines as everyone else
Take, for example, the white men who say something along the lines of, “So, how do you feel about white guys?” …. He’s already demonstrated that he doesn’t see anything in me beyond my race, and he’s even categorizing himself as no different from a general idea of what “white guys” are like. To me, that communicates that he’s not promising any kind of experience that I haven’t been offered many times before.
OK – so it’s totally kosher for her to be obsessed with his race and with her own, but not all right if he’s preoccupied by the same dynamic. And what is “a general idea of what white guys are like?” This whole paragraph is so dismissive, generalising and racist.
Are you flirting with her because you find her “exotic” or because you truly appreciate her beauty? Will you treat her based on the way the rest of society tries to define her, or will you look beyond her appearance to connect with her as a person?
How can this paragraph closely follow the one pasted above? Am I going insane or is she accusing one side of the attitude she tolerates, if not encourages, in the other?
The key to everything including gauging if a woman of color is interested, knowing her boundaries, building a connection, and finding an original way to relate to her is all the same –listening.
Not as easy as it sounds, when dealing with the race-obsessed. If you listen to his kind of talk for half an hour, you just might need medication to keep your neurons from imploding.
So you’re not the only one who has some unpleasant lessons to unlearn. You’re committing to doing better, and that’s what’s going to make the difference.
You’re committing to doing better; what a lovely way to humiliate someone. Let’ s pat Bisquit on the head; surely he meant to use the litter box and surely he’ll do better in the future. We just need to educate him, kindly and generously. And aren’t we angelic to do so!
I already think you’re pretty cool for sticking with me through this guide to learn how to be respectful.
No shit! I need a cigarette.