As the self-proclaimed largest forum for victims of narcissistic, psychopathic and sociopathic abuse, PF sees a handful of new registrations daily, as more people suspect they are enmeshed with disordered types. Their doors are wide open; registration is easy; it only takes a few minutes.

At first glance, you are greeted by an amazing uniformity of opinion; you tell yourself it’s because they’re all so sensitive, so considerate towards each other (the reality being you can find yourself labelled a troll for breathing out the wrong amount of CO2; long time members have learned not to ever disagree with the status quo).

You stumble in there as if you’d found an oasis in the desert; you cannot believe how lucky you are to have come across so many people with a similar experience. Encouraged by the general eagerness to discuss painful memories, you start sharing yours almost immediately, thinking you have found the most open, honest group ever.

Above all, you assume they know you are hurt and confused, in need of support, as they claim to have designed the website for people like you. You assume they will treat you as such; that they will always be considerate.

Unfortunately, they promote themselves in a completely false manner, drawing naive and vulnerable people into their game of delusional paranoia.

While you see members liking each other’s posts by the dozen, sending “hugs” and behaving like good old friends, always willing to lend an ear, some lend an ear so well they hear what you’re not even saying, as shown here:


Reporting Sketchy Members

Just wanted to write a quick notice about the safety culture we want to cultivate here.

If you ever have any suspicions about a member, our policy is “better reported than not”. A huge part of the healing process is learning to trust your intuition. Here at PF, just like everywhere else in life, you are going to continue to encounter toxic people.

You should never brush aside your gut feeling about someone, as that’s how we end up “dancing the dance”, when really the person should just be shown the door. So please if you ever feel uneasy about a member, do not hesitate to use our reporting features to tell us. Because if you’re feeling suspicious, the odds are you’re not alone.

You will never be punished or judged for reporting someone who turns out to be genuine. We take all reports seriously. Mistakes happen, although I honestly have never seen this. Member reports are usually 100% on board with our own suspicions. Please understand that safety is always being assessed here, even if it’s not visible. Even if you see a thread going on where you can’t believe the member hasn’t been banned yet. Trust me, they are on our radar.

There are several ways to report a member. Please use them:

Under every post, you will see a little triangle with an exclamation point. This reports the specific post and member, completely unknown to them. The reference to the post will also help us pinpoint any specific things they said.

The Contact Form here: – Check “Troll Suspect” for the category, and it will be looked at immediately. Using this method, you can also log out and report anonymously. It is helpful to have any specific post references if you do this. Again, remember that you will never be judged for reports, but I do understand the desire for anonymity when it comes to security.

PMing an administrator. If you have a good friendship with an admin, please feel free to send along a personal message. It will be brought to the team either anonymously or with your endorsement, whatever you ask for. The process will always be dealt with in the same way

I really hope this helps to encourage an open-door philosophy when it comes to trolls. You are not crazy”

That’s right. You actually read that. On a support forum claiming to be the world leader in its field.

Members are encouraged to report each other on a “gut feeling”, without any proof their target has broken a single rule – which is probably unprecedented on any serious forum. That is how people are targeted and closely watched without having shown any maliciousness whatsoever.

Indeed, you are not crazy, but you are definitely an asshole if you engage in his sort of practice, as any false accuser is.

It is unacceptable for any bona fide person to become fodder for older members’ exercise of good intuition and be subjected to the abstract version of a vivisection while knowing nothing about it.

Under that veneer of safety and brotherhood lie several layers of obsessive distrust, which come before any concern of treating people fairly – not to mention being careful with someone who is emotionally frail.

In case you think the admin’s intentions should be given the benefit of the doubt and might be in the lines of being overprotective, here’s another gem:

People with ulterior motives & agendas can be hard to spot, but there are signs – for example, they do not seem to actually care about the well-being of other members, and instead come across as a bit fake, self-centered, and emotionally disconnected. You will notice EVERY topic always comes back to a lengthy, exhausting story about “My P”, even if the topic has nothing to do with them.

Trust your gut, always. Most of us already learned this lesson the hard way.

And use the report button! There’s one at the bottom of every PM, as well as posts (the little triangle with !). It’s SO fast & easy, and automatically shoots an email to every Admin so we can review it immediately, even if we are not on PF (which is more common for me now that I’m at work). There is absolutely zero penalty or grudge for a false red flag. It takes two seconds to review them, and I would rather get 10 in a day than 0. Reports are GOOD. We do our best to keep up, but with 20,000+ posts, we need to rely on our your intuition as well.

And yet another gem

I would also like to thank the administrators and moderators who work around the clock to keep this site so safe, secure, and free from drama/gurus/know-it-alls/predators. I see the members of this team as gatekeepers, absorbing the daily poison, lies, manipulation, and lunacy, in order to maintain the peaceful harmony that we all get to wake up to each morning. To give you an idea of just how hard they work, there are more security reports from the past three months, than there are threads in The Cafe since 2011. They don’t just clean things up, they are responsible for setting and maintaining the amazing atmosphere that I have come to love so much here on PF. These people never give up, and they never ask for any sort of recognition. So I would like to recognize them now, because this forum would be nothing without them.

Yes, you read that also. Your eyes are not playing some twisted trick on you.

This is on a thread celebrating the forum’s great success. The emphasis belongs to the admin, who is so proud of the humongous number of reports, most of which were obviously false, since they still have a community there. More reports in three months than threads on a sub-forum in two years. And he boasts about it; he finds it wonderful that his forum is the online version of North Korea. And then he claims other people have control issues.

Back to this quote:

I see the members of this team as gatekeepers, absorbing the daily poison, lies, manipulation, and lunacy, in order to maintain the peaceful harmony that we all get to wake up to each morning. (…) they are responsible for setting and maintaining the amazing atmosphere that I have come to love so much here on PF.

Have you ever read anything more insane? An “amazing atmosphere” actively dominated by security reports? A “peaceful harmony” and simultaneously, daily poison, manipulation, lunacy? Daily? It reminds me of Scientology’s leader, who reportedly thinks Scientology is amazing while 75% of the people in it are rotten.

Imagine you are a distraught person seeking company and advice, and while you continue to pour your heart out to these people, your witch trial is going on behind your back. You have an anointed bunch with the above-shown insight into human behaviour (way below sea level, as you can plainly see) trying to determine if you:

  • Seem to care too little about the wellbeing of others;
  • Seem to care too much about the wellbeing of others (contacting them directly is a no-no and for new members all communication must be public, or it can easily be labelled harassment; personal questions should also be avoided);
  • Post too much about your problem (which means you are self-centred);
  • Post too little about your problem (maybe you have an ulterior motive for being there, such as studying others);
  • Post too little (they are always suspicious of members with a very small post count);
  • Post too much (they tell you that you are flooding);
  • Seem emotionally detached;
  • Seem too emotionally involved in what is being posted (you’re coming on too strong and that is suspicious).

And so forth.

They actually think they have the ability to get inside your head and read emotions you are not expressing, or the lack thereof. That is how delusional and irrational they are.

Does anyone else find it sick that he would rather get piles of false reports than get none, and he encourages reporting so enthusiastically (almost frantically), which is guaranteed to make targets out of innocent people? Is there any doubt at all regarding what new members really get themselves into?

You are guilty until proven innocent and those who accuse you are always unaccountable, to the point of not having to reveal their online identities when they emit their accusations. As their target, you will not be given a warning – as in stop trusting us as we don’t trust you, an explanation or an apology.

Sometimes, members are banned without an apparent reason and cannot figure out why, since they were never confronted by staff; they are perplexed, having had no idea anything was wrong. They never had a chance to clear others’ doubts, defend themselves or leave peacefully of their own accord, after deleting their information.

Apparently, staff members don’t feel they need to confront you or be transparent in any way; they list you as a potential troll on a mere suspicion and block you immediately, as if your mere presence on the website for an added hour to allow a discussion posed some sort of danger to them. That is the sheer level of their paranoia.

I trust hardly anyone would register if those announcements were added to the forum rules, or better yet, to their plethora of promotional materials, which read like exquisite corporate PR.

Usually though, one is banned for some laughable trifle no sane adult would find threatening from another – after having poured their heart out before them as one would before a close friend or therapist, for days, weeks or many months.

I lack the vocabulary to properly word how duplicitous, insensitive and disgusting that is. Not to mention unprofessional.

This Amazon review of the book and forum is very telling, as are the comments former members have posted there.

It is then – and often, unfortunately, only then – that wronged members take to the internet to investigate this so-called support group which shows no ethics, no transparency, no fairness and little sanity when targeting someone. They look for a different space online to tell their story. Alternatively, they register again or email for an explanation. They want closure and a chance to express their completely understandable frustration.

 Congratulations! They are now officially a troll.

 You see, in their minds, the road from an abuse victim in need to a troll who is frothing at the mouth with venom and envy towards their fine establishment can be a very short one. Trolls are fair game for vicious attacks on their character and misuse of the information they entrusted the blessed “recovery forum” with.

 A person who has gone through the motions I described above is then insulted again to read threads where the admin boasts about “keeping the creeps out” and “not taking their BS” and “keeping a peaceful and loving atmosphere”, as well as refusing to delete people’s very sensitive information because they were labelled as such.

Didn’t I hear someone say psychopaths deliberately provoke intense emotional reactions in normal people, only to ridicule them before others by calling them crazy and hysterical…? Oh yes, it was them.

 The only place where paranoia, unfounded reporting, control and swift discarding equal love and support is a cult. Which is exactly what they resemble.

    If you somehow come across this blog, chances are you are familiar with all the above, so please feel free to post your thoughts and experiences. My intention is to not censor anything. However, please try not to refer to the personal lives of the people involved in that forum, to stay on the safe and decent side. There is plenty to be discussed regarding the forum itself and its policies.